Relegated from the Premier League
by Graham Ford
Britain’s surprise departure from the premier league gets closer. During 40 years as one of the leading teams, it has been a rocky ride at times, life at the top is never a breeze.
About one in four players (the ‘rules’ call this a majority) decided we should go it alone and invent a new game. The present one had become so successful that everyone wanted a piece of the action and gate-crashers had become quite a problem for some people.
They decided not to consult the junior teams as they are too young to understand, so they asked their managers to invent a new game, along the lines of… well no one is quite sure about this. Most of the managers thought it a bad idea but then decided to give it a try.
Two years on, they have not yet asked the players what this game should look like or which foreign teams they might want to play with. It won’t be on the American model as they have their own games and are very good at them. It can’t involve the Russians; we couldn’t trust them to follow our rules. Maybe the Chinese, but the rules would get lost in translation. It’s unlikely to involve India – they kicked us out long ago and will be very wary. Australia perhaps, but they are very good at the old games so they may well be reluctant to try anything new.
So the rules are still not clear but it is generally agreed that it will involve kicking lots of balls around in some kind of free-for-all. A goal would be a good idea but what shape and size should it be? If they can’t decide, then it really doesn’t matter to the managers who will just carry on playing with themselves as they have for the last two years. They will get paid until they retire or get kicked out and then draw fat pensions or go on lecture tours.
Pity about the players though. If any of them have changed their minds about this, they really should let their managers know, as there will soon be no chance of regaining their previous hard-earned positions. Or perhaps it will be a great success like football, rugby, tennis and cricket. Britain invented those and the rest of the wold grew to love them and even beat us at them.
The new game has a catchy name, even if no-one knows what it means. Everyone is talking about it – it’s the latest craze. Of course you have guessed it, it’s “Brexit”.